People say love hard and live fast,
People say, don’t think about regret
and don’t care about tomorrow,
People say, live in the here and now,
But hear the striking of the clock
With all the things in the back of the head,
All the things people said.
You’ve heard about the perfect life
and the perfect plan,
Started to doubt yourself
And compare to others.
Waiting for the right sign
For you, the driven, unloved creature,
From an almighty god or nature,
Or from all of those
who never stopped complaining and giving advices.
But you only wanted to hear one thing
Of all the mysterious ways
That yours is the right one.
Because like everyone else, you grew up
In a tiny box without horizon and without space
With old beliefs but without much ability
To speak and think for yourself,
To feel and steer for yourself
But how should you without the slightest comprehension of reality,
In a world of suppressed creative spontaneity
Without the slightest comprehension of the meaning of everything.
So you have to ask, what it is, and you have to despair
So you have to ask others, what you are, instead of understanding
Instead, ask what the point of that is
Ask what the point of everything is and stand still.
Instead of living and loving,
We fall for a blind pursuit
Of everything, that is not ours,
Lost in unlimited possibilities
In search for our happiness.
We think:
I could travel the world and see foreign countries,
Mark them on maps and duplicate pictures
of buildings and trees over and over,
I could tell the biggest stories,
Show pictures, peddle from friend to friend,
Soaked in silent admiration,
Carrying the idea of might and could,
Until I would become tired looking for happiness,
Driven by the fear of stagnation
Absorbed in the feeling of missing out,
The opportunity that won’t come back,
And I would realize that I couldn’t find my happiness,
If I am looking at every place,
I would just lose it everywhere,
If I can’t find it in one,
I won’t find it anywhere.
I could run and never stop,
But wouldn’t leave the spot I am standing on,
While the picture in the mirror gets older
and sadly looks at me with blurry eyes and a teary sight.
Or staying in bed
Escaping in the paradise that arise in my dreams.
Not moving an inch forward
I could go skydiving, carried by the weightlessness,
Instead of silent sadness and loud emptiness
And falling to the ground without a parachute,
Just to feel something,
Until I realize, that I could only do it once and that it would be forever.
I could drown myself in consumerism,
To distract myself,
From reality and their reminders.
Get lost in a big house, where everything is as I imagined,
except the one thing, my happiness.
I could quit my job or become lost in work.
I could attend every party or exist secluded from society.
I could leave my wife,
Instead of concerning me about myself,
And hope to find someone impeccable, someone to hide my flaws,
Until I come back drowned in self-pity begging for forgiveness,
On my knees with the short moment of clarity
with a sober look finally seeing,
Just how beautiful she is
Until the next oblivion.
I could wait for sunshine
thinking about the end of the week
missing happiness and the perfect moment
forgotten under the idea of perfection.
Because I could run around naked here
And don’t have to be bothered now,
I could learn to play piano,
Create artwork or juggle with formulas
Climb up mountains and swim through seas.
I could.
I could do everything, but where would it lead me?
Instead of loving and living
We fall for a blind pursuit
Of everything that is not ours,
Lost in our unlimited possibilities
We miss happiness and wait for the right moment,
forgotten under all that’s right.
And if I had…
And if I just had…
If I had taken the trash out and listened to my love,
Had battled, reconciled and laughed,
Instead of nagging, annoyed by everything
I wouldn’t be alone,
Stiff, naked, covered in moon light
In my castle built out of empty pizza boxes
Again bathing in self-pity,
In a deserted house,
Without my children’s laughter,
Without my lover’s smile,
Without what happiness and home is made of.
And if I had read more and had more learned,
Instead of believing blindly and blindly following,
I would be a millionaire or astronaut,
Instead of being unhappy in my own skin,
And refusing to sit alone,
With empty self-pleasures,
I would be rich and could afford everything,
And repeat every mistake,
And look asquint at the end of my life
In the mirror of myself,
In an old face with no love and with no hope.
But If had the courage,
To talk to her, confess my love,
If I had the courage,
To live my life,
Instead of surrender to it,
I would be happy, so I believe.
So we only find our misery, we are trying to fill
and trying to hide with masks
and streams of momentary pleasure and indulgence,
With everything but aloneness, with or without loneliness,
Without the empty space that it needs.
Instead:
With bourbon, vodka or rum.
With weed, crystals or cocaine.
With abstinence, porn or promiscuity.
With religion and atheism.
With status and statutes.
With materialism and money.
With guzzling in an obese society
And diets in a starving world.
With TV and a political theater play.
With wars and sport and games.
With fights over nothing and anger about everything.
With blindness and ignorance,
With games of make-believe of things that could be different,
of things that could have been.
Surrounded by all of it,
Trying to fill our happiness,
and drape ourselves with the future and the past,
But without honesty unable to see,
To work on ourselves striving for greatness.
Until it’s too late to be bold and brave.
Generous and in full humility.
Until it’s too late for all of that.
Too late to be loving and grateful.
Because nobody is there anymore.
Too late to be someone else or our true self.
Because our time is over.
Too late…
And we leave this world.
Without having lived.
Without having loved.
Without having found our happiness.
Instead of living and loving
We fall for a blind pursuit
Of everything, that is not ours,
Lost in our unlimited possibilities.
So we are all in truth just cosmonauts,
Looking for our happiness.
Floating around it with the best view
Of everything, we could have.
But happiness, although hidden in everything, lies in nothing.
Under sadness happiness is hidden,
If we give in to sorrow, instead of distractions,
To feel ourselves and cry, it would lie visibly in every tear.
Under shame happiness is hidden,
If we give in to the moment and be with ourselves, it would lie visibly in us.
Under fear happiness is hidden,
If we face our demons.
Under hate, if we perceive and we forgive.
Under vulnerability, if we show ourselves to others,
the way we are and not only pretend to be.
In intimacy and closeness
In sincerity and truth.
In gratitude and humbleness,
most of all in that.
It is easy to find happiness, we only want it,
Hidden in a simple life
A life that could carry in a moment more depth and truth,
than 88 years trapped in a lie
And a construct of fear and numb despair,
And could give so much more than pure superficiality.
That’s why I say:
Look around and see the bliss.
See the wonders that encircle you, of the moment,
Smile and dance and experience, like there is no tomorrow,
Take care of yourself, your heart and your soul,
Your body and your mind,
And see in them the precious gifts, that they are.
Take care of others like you are one with them, so they can become one with you,
And don’t take anything for granted, since nothing is.
Live your passion in the time you have
And die young, instead of a body with premature graying
and bones made of paper, dead inside your chest.
It’s your life.
What do we have to lose in our life
Except our life and our love?
It’s time, to live slowly and to love severely.